The book, “The Five Love Languages,” outlines general ways in which individuals express and experience love and affection in romantic relationships. They are Acts of Service, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Words of Affection and Physical Touch, and while they may not cover all kinds of communication, they can be a good shorthand to decipher yours and that of your partner.

When it comes to money, it is important to notice and understand how we feel and communicate as individuals and then reflect further how that impacts our partner and finances as a couple or family. If an individual grew up in a home where money was tight and employment was unstable, finances may represent anxiety and worry. For another, a privileged upbringing where money was rarely discussed may later manifest as apathy around budgeting and savings. Financial planners and therapists tend to share the same basic tenets around relationships and money.

• Understand your relationship with money and that of your partner – explore how you were both raised, what your attitudes are to daily money management and how you see your long-term future.
• Set shared goals and focus on the future – have a brainstorm session and share what you need, want and dream about and be specific. Listen to your partner share theirs and then take stock of the two. Where do you agree and where do you differ? Discuss what you are both willing to sacrifice and what you won’t go without to accomplish your goals.
• Be transparent and communicate regularly – establish an open and honest style of communication with your partner and schedule regular dates to track progress. Split the duties of tracking your spending and saving and pair the chore with a bottle of wine or pot of coffee to make it more enjoyable.
• Practice empathy and patience – learning and unlearning behavior and establishing new habits is difficult to do as an individual, let alone as a couple. It takes time and experience to learn each other’s style and track spending and saving for both. Keep in mind that it has taken your lifetime to get to where you are, and it is going to require significant work and focus to change.

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