Maria Malloy, CFP®, details the ways in which we support clients when grieving the loss of their spouse.
Giving before You Are Gone: Clever Ways to Distribute Wealth
For a long time, putting your estate in order and planning your legacy was a straightforward process. You wrote out a will, named your survivors, and detailed who would receive what when you passed.
These days, there are new ideas around how wealth is transferred, including distributing the funds while the benefactor is still alive and able to witness the ripple effects of their gift(s). Here are a few examples of creative ways to share your wealth with your loved ones and charitable causes now or in the immediate future.
Give Generously – and Tax Free
The IRS allows individuals to give up to $19,000 per recipient (in 2025) each year without triggering gift taxes. That means a couple could jointly give $38,000 per recipient per year. This is a smart way to gradually transfer wealth to children, grandchildren, or even friends, without eating into your lifetime gift and estate tax exemption. Some savers opt for an annual gifting strategy where they help pay for a loved one’s tuition, down payment or other savings, all while reducing their taxable estate.
Pay Directly for Medical Expenses or Tuition
Instead of giving cash, you can pay tuition or medical bills directly on someone’s behalf. These payments aren’t subject to gift tax limits, no matter how large. It’s a stealthy, IRS-approved way to support someone you love without affecting your annual gift limit.
Set Up a Donor-Advised Fund (DAF)
While not new, donor-advised funds are being used in new and creative ways. A donor-advised fund is like a charitable investment account. You contribute cash, stocks, or other assets, get an immediate tax deduction, and then recommend grants over time to your favorite charities. A donor-advised fund could be co-managed by parents and children and centered around the values and philanthropic efforts dear to them.
Start a Legacy Business or Family Foundation
If you want to blend entrepreneurship, family, and philanthropy, consider starting a small business or foundation with your loved ones. It could be a scholarship fund, a nonprofit, or a community initiative. Involve your children early so they can help shape the mission and be inspired to carry it forward.
Establish a Family Trust or Living Trust
A trust allows you to control how your wealth is distributed, both while you’re alive and after. A revocable living trust lets you maintain control of your assets and smoothly pass them to heirs without going through probate. You can also set conditions – like age restrictions or purpose-based use (education, housing, etc.) around the funds. Additionally, an irrevocable trust may be used to remove assets from your estate, potentially lowering estate taxes and protecting wealth from creditors.
Gift-Appreciated Assets
Rather than selling appreciated stocks and paying capital gains tax, gift them directly to loved ones in lower tax brackets or donate them to charity. Charities can sell these assets tax-free, and you get a full-value deduction. Family members who receive the assets may also benefit from a stepped-up cost basis if they inherit it, but that benefit doesn’t apply to lifetime gifts, so remember that timing is crucial.
Invest in Life Experiences, Not Just Inheritance
Sometimes the best gift isn’t cash, it’s shared experience. Use your wealth to fund family travel, multi-generational events, or special experiences that create lasting memories. These are hard to replicate and deepen emotional bonds. Better yet, frame these experiences as value-based with a visit to a place connected to your family history or by volunteering together as part of a trip abroad.
Make Loans with Forgiveness in Mind
You can make intra-family loans at below-market interest rates. If structured correctly, they can fund a loved one’s home, education, or business venture. You can then forgive these loans over time within gift tax limits which essentially makes a loan into a gift gradually.
Talk About It Early
The biggest financial gift you can give is clarity. Don’t keep your wealth plans a secret. In many cases, adult children are not inheriting as much as they think they will. Talk with your family about your intentions, your values, and how you want your money to reflect both sides of the coin. These frank conversations may prevent future disputes and may also help them to understand you and carry your legacy forward with perspective and wisdom.
Parting Thoughts: Give While it Matters Most
Distributing wealth before you’re old or gone isn’t just about smart tax planning, it’s about living generously. You can see the results of your giving, help your loved ones avoid stress, and bring more purpose to your financial decisions. Whether it’s helping your child buy their first home, funding your grandchild’s tuition, or expanding a charity’s impact, you get to be part of that story now.
Cleaning and Organizing … the Swedish Way
There are many organizational methods for reducing our clutter and making our spaces more efficient, tidy, and serene. There is the “One-Touch Method” which bucks procrastination in favor of putting things away immediately after use, and the “Neat Method” which employs various color-coded containers and labeling for sorting and display. The KonMari method from Japan instructs organizers to ask themselves if their items still spark joy in them, and if not, to release the belongings with gratitude. And, yet another approach has risen in popularity, this time from Sweden, known as “döstädning,” or the translated “death cleaning,” which seeks to reduce clutter and stress from an aging person’s home and life.
While it may sound severe, the idea of döstädning is actually a very thoughtful and respectful exercise for both the individual and their loved ones. Contrary to KonMari, which centers on the individual’s attachment to their possessions, this approach asks how family and survivors will feel about the items left behind after a loved one’s death. Margareta Magnussen, author of “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning,” explains how employing döstädning can streamline an individual’s space and create a peaceful environment in which they can focus on what matters to them at that stage of life. The process of sorting and gifting belongings and communicating with family and friends about what they would like to have can often bring loved ones closer together, and may minimize the future burden on family members, allowing them to focus on grieving rather than a large clean-out project.
For those interested in the process of döstädning, professionals recommend the following:
- Tell your family about this process you are undertaking, what you hope to get out of the experience and ask them what items they would like to inherit from you.
- Start with your clothing and closets, sorting through what does and does not fit and what can be donated to charity.
- Declutter furniture, décor, and household items by room and then size, gifting functional pieces to family and friends and donating the rest.
- Address digital information and share details for important vendors such as your bank and insurance provider to your next of kin.
- Take stock of valuable jewelry and heirlooms and communicate with your insurance provider regarding appropriate coverage. Next, give some thought to who you will leave these items to and make those wishes apparent in your documents.
- Gather your paperwork and leave clear instructions regarding your will, advance health directive, power of attorney and any other related documents to your intended survivors.
While it may seem like a big undertaking, döstädning can give practitioners the chance to find memory and meaning in their possessions, as well as a sense of lightness and contentment when they let them go.
To connect with a client relationship manager, email info@vcmi.net.
Other Areas of Financial Planning: Starting a Family, Planning a Bucket List Trip, and Changing Jobs
We help clients with more than just their stock and bond portfolio and retirement planning. Watch and hear how we assist clients with planning for a family, preparing to take a bucket list trip and weighing options when considering a career change. If these are areas you would like to collaborate with a client relationship manager on, please email info@vcmi.net.
Love and Money: Communicating with your Partner
The book, “The Five Love Languages,” outlines general ways in which individuals express and experience love and affection in romantic relationships. They are Acts of Service, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Words of Affection and Physical Touch, and while they may not cover all kinds of communication, they can be a good shorthand to decipher yours and that of your partner. When it comes to money, it is important to notice and understand how we feel and communicate as individuals and then reflect further how that impacts our partner and finances as a couple or family. If an individual grew up in a home where money was tight and employment was unstable, finances may represent anxiety and worry. For another, a privileged upbringing where money was rarely discussed may later manifest as apathy around budgeting and savings. Financial planners and therapists tend to share the same basic tenets around relationships and money.- Understand your relationship with money and that of your partner – explore how you were both raised, what your attitudes are to daily money management and how you see your long-term future.
- Set shared goals and focus on the future – have a brainstorm session and share what you need, want and dream about and be specific. Listen to your partner share theirs and then take stock of the two. Where do you agree and where do you differ? Discuss what you are both willing to sacrifice and what you won’t go without to accomplish your goals.
- Be transparent and communicate regularly – establish an open and honest style of communication with your partner and schedule regular dates to track progress. Split the duties of tracking your spending and saving and pair the chore with a bottle of wine or pot of coffee to make it more enjoyable.
- Practice empathy and patience – learning and unlearning behavior and establishing new habits is difficult to do as an individual, let alone as a couple. It takes time and experience to learn each other’s style and track spending and saving for both. Keep in mind that it has taken your lifetime to get to where you are, and it is going to require significant work and focus to change.
